I Peeve You.

10 things I Hate About Just Everything

1. McDonalds. I am a very picky eater especially when it comes to fast food- I stick with what I know. With every combo, there are specific condiments that I request extra or none of. One of which being the big mac. My memory fails me once in a while and God forbid I forget what comes with the big mac so I always just say “no cheese, onions and tomatoes please” (just to make it simpler instead of asking what it comes with then asking to omit it) but they always succeed in reminding me that “no, the big mac doesn’t come with tomatoes”. Oh I see, now that you have unnecessarily wasted 30 seconds of my time just to let me know that the sandwich I wanted doesn’t actually come with what I DIDNT WANT, THANK YOU, I think I will ask for extra tomatoes NOW!!! WHY, WHY DO they do this, why does every single employee find the need to tell me it DOESN’T come with TOMATOES anyway. I DON’T want it, that’s the bottom line, just let it GO. Knowing that it doesn’t ACTUALLY come with my sandwich won’t change my order!

2. The new conveniences of technology has greatly contributed to our lazy society and it really pisses me off when I have to call a customer information line to speak to a representative- perhaps the much-hated-epitome-of-evil-themselves, Rogers. I am a person who strives for the comfort of routine, I know what I like and I like what I know and most importantly what saves me time and gets me where I want to be faster. I can’t remember the last thing I laid eyes on two seconds ago but I can distinctly recall the customer information line of stupid corporations- one of them being Rogers- just in case I need to tell someone off or quickly check the balance on my account. I used to never bother with the automated person on the other end and just skip through it by pressing memorized buttons, “press 1 for, press 2 for, press 3 for…” and within 10 seconds i could pretty much get to where I wanted to be until ROGERS decided to change this feature by having you SPEAK into the phone. I fume up every time I have to call them because all you see me doing is screaming into the phone at what sounds like 100 decibles to an automated robot machine.

ME: “WI-RE-LESS”..
ROGERS: “I’m. sorry. I. do. not. recognize. this. command.”
ME: “CELL-U-LARR…”
ROGERS: “Ok. You. asked. for. cable. service. Please. Hold.”
ME: “CELL PHONE!!!”
Rogers: An. agent. will. be. right. with. your. cable. service. inquiry.”
ME: “NO!!, ACCOUNTTT BAALLANNCEE!!!”
ROGERS: “Please. press. one. to. return. to. the. main. menu. options. or. simply. state. what. you. are. calling. about.”
ME: “FUCK YOU GOD DAMNIT!”
ROGERS: Thank. You. Have. a. nice. day.

3. People who stand right smack in the middle of the escalator. HAVE YOU NO COMMON SENSE YOU STUPID NUTBAG- “STAND RIGHT, WALK LEFT!!” Even if you weren’t a frequent TTC traveler, it is still not too much to expect from human beings that it is simply common sense to not STAND SMACK in the middle of the ESCALATOR!!!

4. People who take up extra seats for their belongings or body parts on public transportation. I almost want to scream, “Did you pay an extra fare for your left leg or how about one for your bag? THEN WHY ARE YOU TAKING UP extra seats when others are STANDING??? Are you some sort of freakishly paranoid germaphobe where you don’t like people being too close to you? YEA? THEN STAND IN THE CORNER OVER THERE AND DON’T TAKE THE TTC EVER AGAIN DUMBASS!!!”

5. People in very small public places who hear their cell phones ringing or vibrating yet WAIT for it to ring one or two more times before they pick it up or wait for the I.D. to show up even though it is clearly disrupting the people around them. C’mon, who are we kidding, you’re a nobody who probably never gets any phone calls and this is the one time you get to use your phone in public you KNOW you’re going to pick it up, WHY WAIT FOR AN I.D. ITS PROBABLY your MOTHER IDIOT!!! PICK UP so I can stop listening to your God-awful annoying ring TONE!!!

6. Nothing peeves me more than people who don’t say hi. Oh yea, you know what I’m talking about and if you don’t, you probably never thought about it because it is the most random thing ever, you would think that it never happens but oh boy, let me tell you, it sure does.

ME: “HI” or “Hey, How are you?”
THEM: “…….[a stare of recognition, no, not a misunderstood smile BUT an unmistakeable stoic stare… followed by nothingness]…”

NOTE: If you are one of these people, you deserve to live in a place where not replying to people when they say hi is NORMAL, but that is_NOT_here.

7. You know those rainy days- you get up, try to get through the day and survive the prospect of a horrid, gloomy rainy day awaiting you to step outside just so that it can rain harder. And you try to look your best considering your make up will be running down your cheeks and your hair in disarray by the time you even get to your destination but what’s worse is when you’re standing in front of a huge dent/manhole/pothole in the pavement by the curb and a car decides to inconsiderately ZOOM right by splashing you from head to toe with putrid piss water from the dirty polluted sewage system and you don’t know what to do except smile to no one in particular and think “damnit, end me now”.

8. When the subway car is close to empty and the next person who gets on the train (with my luck) is bound to be (no, not that hot looking guy who so resembles the hot stud on Prison Break or the one from Sex and the City) that old, fat, ugly, creepy-looking man who decides that the best seat in the house is the empty one directly left or right of me. Ugh creep, don’t talk to me.

9. I worked at Levi’s and this always happened to me and it made me want to jam my finger in my eye. “Good afternoon, Levi’s…” and instead of telling me right then and there that they dialed the wrong number, they continue to ask for the foreign person they were looking for even though I CLEARLY STATED who they had JUST DIALED “LEVI’S!!!!!!!!!”  If they were looking for someone who used to work at LEVI’S and didn’t anymore then FINE but after hearing “LEVI’S” JUST TELL ME YOU GOT THE WRONG NUMBER DAMNIT!!! And what gets me the most is that these people continue to ask for that person even THOUGH they KNOW they got the wrong number, they just don’t want to look like an idiot but ya know what stupid, you already came across as a dumbass the minute you paused after I said “Levi’s Store” and then continued on like you didn’t hear me.

10. Last but certainly not least. People who come in to drop off their resumes hoping to land an interview. It’s almost okay if you mistake me for somone unimportant or someone you don’t need to impress but it’s not okay that on your resume your contact email is: stud_4U or sexy_azn or baby_angel_hot69 or pimp_DADDY2000. Fine, have a ridiculously, unflattering, raunchy and meaningless email nickname outside of your professional life but don’t put it on your resume as a CONTACT for crying out loud. Do you or do you not want a decent job?!?

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