Unstick Me

Here we are, it’s 2019 and the new year is already in progress. No joke, a couple days ago I did what I feel only a senile person would do- I was in the process of deciding how I wanted to spend our NYE and mid-sentence turned to my husband to ask him what year we were in. I guess I could have taken a moment to calculate the answer myself (or google it… my, how times have changed), but it was the act of even having to ask; the fact that I had forgotten what year we were in, despite having been fully immersed in it for 365 days, was hard to reconcile. Then I thought to myself, how come? And the only thing I could think of was that I had been feeling very static and unproductive the last several months. I have been in a place of stuckedness, I like to say.

The only thing I hate more than change, is living in that of stuckedness.

-John Snobelen

And when you’re stuck, you don’t actively realize the world moves forward whether you want it to or not. Yes, you might recall that I made human life in 2018 and while that is not a small feat of any sort, it has been my lack of motivation to do anything else other than eat, sleep and veg (and keep a small human alive and all the things that go along with that) that has left me feeling impassive about the things I used to enjoy.

Every year I declare new years resolutions and although many argue against doing this, I don’t think making resolutions for me has been the culprit. I think it’s fundamentally about intent. In the past I would make sound and quantifiable goals but in my mind it would be all or nothing and there was never any reflection on what the eventual purpose was. For example, I might promise to work out 3 days a week and write 4 blog posts a month. These goals, while in theory very doable to me, would inflict such pressure that if I didn’t succeed in working out exactly 3 times a week or writing 4 posts a month, I would be left feeling like I was a failure. And often when you feel like you’re failing, this is when you’re more likely to stop trying. I now realize that approach, the “all-or-nothing” rigidity, and the lack of intent was the ultimate problem for me.

The other day I watched an old episode of Oprah and it was about women who needed a little kick in the butt to get them back in the saddle again (there were a combined multitude of reasons why they fell off). The group attended a luxurious spa for rest and relaxation but it also included a spiritual bootcamp of sorts. One of the tasks they were assigned upon arrival was to declare their intent or purpose (for their stay); something they wanted to relearn to do in their lives again. Some were related to getting over a particular fear (i.e. heights, moving forward after a loss, etc.) but Oprah’s intent was to find more joy and that really resonated with me.

My ultimate goal is to also find more joy, as simple as this may sound. There are plenty of things that bring me joy and those are the things I want to focus on this year. I love when I find something in my closet that fits me and makes me feel good so I will work on getting physically fit for myself. I love reflecting on life experiences so I will continue to work on increasing my blogging frequency. I love learning new ideas and perspectives so I vow to read more books and challenge myself. I love watching the progress my daughter makes on a daily basis so I will focus on documenting her milestones in my journal and her scrapbook. What I also want to do is to deliberately avoid getting stuck in the ‘planning’ of it all. Of course planning anything is a great initial starting point and as efficient as ‘planning’ sounds or can be, sometimes I find we use this as a subconscious tool for procrastination. I heard someone referring to this as ‘paralysis in analysis’ and it makes absolute sense. Instead of just doing, we tend to get stuck in having to plan first. Next time you find yourself deciding which body part to dip first into the frigid lake, maybe just dive in and feel the warmth of the water underneath all at once.

And so 2019, this year I hope to stay focused and be as productive as I can be!

Here’s to you finding your joy too!

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