All the Things In Between

Babies are miniature people who require their own everything: tub, crib, playpen, rocker, swing, potty, clothes, chairs, car seats, stroller, diapers, wipes, bottles, toiletries… everything. And all this could vary with different baby stages (so even more things)! Currently, my modest 3-bedroom house is full; so full of all the in-between baby things that Charlotte has steadily grown out of. People tend to toss things they no longer have use for, but we have no idea what we want to do with most of it. Every closet in my house is brimming with baby stuff we are not sure we’ll need again. These boxes of things represent hope and grand expectations of what could be, but each time I open a closet door to shove more “things” in, they gradually become painful reminders of what we may never have. My husband and I are stuck (eternally, it seems) in a place of what-if. There are reminders everywhere that Charlotte is no longer a baby, and we still don’t have any prospects of whether we’ll be able to grow our family any further.

Do we make space for the family we have or hold space for the one we hope to have?

A couple weeks ago, we I made the agonizing decision of transforming her room from a baby room to a “big girl” room. Our original-original plan was to eventually be pregnant again and by the time I popped out a second, Charlotte would be ready to transition into another room without the crib. Unfortunately, things haven’t worked themselves out according to our blueprint, and I didn’t think we could possibly keep Charlotte in her crib any longer (although, up until then she really had no complaints). So, we sadly sold the rocker that I nestled my baby in from the day she was born, and in its place is the double bed that we transformed her crib into. It was the markings of a new era. As my husband and I were taking apart the crib and assembling the double bed, we talked about how we really couldn’t believe Charlotte would be 4 in just over 6 months. To us, it honestly feels like just last month we were putting together her crib and room in preparation for her arrival.

Where did the time go?

Recently, a fellow blogger “exposed” her quirks to the blogosphere and invited us all to share our own quirks. It got me thinking about all my weird quirks (because I have plenty). Before I became a mom, there were a lot of things I chose not to eat, touch, do, etc. Some of these quirks were peculiar (never eaten/touched blueberries, olives, beans; have a strange fear of seeds and nuts) and others would be considered quite common (fearful of bugs, exercise, losing people). A lot of the quirks, I realize now, are rooted in fear (obviously most are irrational, some humorous). I’m a big scaredy cat and since becoming a mom, a lot of these quirks have disappeared dissipated. I think when you become a parent, a lot of the things you feared take a backseat in the grand scheme of everything in your newly developing world.

For example, now I have the strength of a bodybuilder when it comes to being tested on a quick walk with an undiapered 3-year-old who suddenly needs to poop when we are furthest from home. I have the steady tolerance of a Monk when it comes to remembering that my toddler is just doing her job by testing my limits each time she throws herself to the ground because of something inconsequential. I have the courage of a feral animal when it comes to annihilating a gigantic household centipede lurking behind my clueless child just so she doesn’t see it and thus get squeamish with a weeks’ worth of nightmares that I’ll have to deal with in the crux of the night. Now, all that matters to me is that my baby is alive, happy (i.e. not screaming her arse off crying or yelling), and sleeping peacefully.

One of my remaining fears though, a fear I can’t seem to shake, is the fear of the unknown; a fear I am slowly learning to live with, in between all the joys of motherhood.

 

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34 thoughts on “All the Things In Between

  1. I’ve always suspected that moms are braver than non-moms. 😁 My mother never had any fear whatsoever about bugs and things. And my best friend is braver than me in every way!
    I really hope you get your wish of a little sibling for Charlotte. ❤

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  2. Oh wow, you are such a great mom!! I can’t imagine the responsibility of having one child, much less more than one!! Whatever happens, you’re already a huge parenting success!! YAY!! And wow, a new big-girl bed is fun!! They grow up so fast!!

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  3. I think part of the reason we overcome our fears, or at least they become secondary, is the desire to protect our child supersedes everything else. I wonder if there is something inside of us that encourages us to be brave for our child (to set a good example), or it is the shame of acting like a big wimp in front of them.

    The exciting and scary part is we never know what the future holds for us. There is solace in knowing that you and your husband will come up with a solution regardless of what happens. After all, most of this parenting stuff consists of decisions we make on the fly.

    I hope that Charlotte is someday blessed to have a sister or brother. Won’t that be a trip when your former screaming infant becomes a responsible role model?

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    • The other day Charlotte and I went to go meet up with a friend with 3 kids (her last being around 18 months) and just seeing Charlotte with my friends baby made me realize, “wow, Charlotte’s not a baby anymore”… It was sweet and bittersweet at the same time :/

      They do grow up so fast!!

      Liked by 1 person

      • What a great moment! I’ve probably said this before, but we spend all this time trying to get our kids to turn out a certain way (strong, independent, globally aware, kind), then when you see it in action, it’s such a gratifying feeling. What follows is the insane parental thought, “But he never needs our help anymore.” 🤣

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  4. When you have kids, you embark upon a whole new journey that’s different than anything else you’ve ever experienced. I agree with what you said about fear. I used to be terrified of heights but I’ve had to conquer that, to some extent, so as not to pass it along to my kids. Although I still refuse to stand on the glass floor at the CN Tower. LOL

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  5. We Indians have perfected saving everything for the future – my parents house has cupboards of things saved up from decades back. 🙈

    I think it’s sweet saving all of Charlotte’s things for the next one – whenever it is that time. But I also am a prudent person, so I think you did the right thing. As long as you have other things that can still be passed down to the next lil one. ❤️

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    • Haha re: hoarding, I do this all the time and it drives my husband crazy but literally 1 out of every 20 times I’ll find use for it in my house after like 5 years of hoarding it and I think to myself, “seeee, it IS worth it!!!!” 🤣😂

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  6. Aw, I have difficulty letting go of my daughter’s belongings too, even when she no longer cares for them or uses them at all. So I know what this feels like. It’s a tough decision bc you’d have to re-purchase everything if you have another child vs years of storage for items that could be useful to someone else instead. But there’s no right answer here. No matter what happens, you’ll figure it out and all will be ok. Good luck!

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  7. Pingback: The week gone by — Sept. 12 – A Silly Place

  8. I definitely think mum’s are the strongest of people!! My daughter’s only 13 weeks born at 28 weeks and I’m terrified and strong at the same time. I really hope Charlotte gets to experience being a big sister at some point. Beautiful post xxx

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    • Thank you so much for your kind words! We are hoping for the best too, but we know what will be will just have to be! ❤️🙏 If no one has told you lately, you’re doing amazing 😊, such a hard stage to be a mom and even harder when you’re a new mom… Every day is just a little less scary than the last… ❤️❤️

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    • I am definitely back and forth on that one… Lately I’ve been watching old videos of her with her baby chub (she’s almost 4 now) and I miss it so badly… But then I see other babies that were that young in the early chub stage and I get shivers down my spine lol for all the sleepless nights and the paranoia (more of them getting hurt being so fragile and me questioning if I knew what I was doing)! Lol

      Thanks so much for reading and stopping by! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  9. What a beautiful post! Yes, it is amazing what we can do and conquer when our children are growing. Fears are suddenly not so scary. Enjoy your journey with Charlotte as she grows. Does she like her new big girl bed?

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