Something happens when you become a parent, you feel the need to dole out advice where you can. I don’t think it’s in a way to one-up anyone, I think it’s more so to help others out. Somehow you’ve cracked the parenting code and you just want to share your wealth of knowledge. At least that’s the idea for most of us I think. I haven’t been at this parenting thing too long now, almost five years this coming April. Compared to one’s average lifespan, that’s just a blip in time. Therefore, I wouldn’t take much of what I’m spewing in this post too seriously.
But here’s what I’ve learned so far (at least in my case and household):
- Use threats and use them as often as you need to. Just make sure to follow through.
- Read them “the law” when necessary. “Hey buddy, I don’t make up the laws here!”
- Create a behaviour chart where “X” means no special reward/treat.
- Tell them the opposite of what you want them to do. You’ll never see someone do something more passionately (except maybe your spouse, works on them too).
On where the law stands with outerwear and kindergarten…
Reasonable parent (me): Wear your neck warmer, it’s cold out.
Unreasonable 4yo (Charlotte): No, I don’t want to.
Me: Yes, you have to it’s very cold outside.
Her: No, if I wear my neck warmer then I’m not going to kindergarten.
Me: That’s not your choice to make.
Her: If I wear it, I’m not going!
Me: Honey, it’s against the law to not go to school, you’re going!
Her: No I’m not!
Me: Okay then, you’ll get an X for today.
Her: Okay, I’ll wear it!
On love…
Charlotte: You know what’s in my heart, mama?
Me: Oh, you know what’s in my heart? My LOVE for you!!
Charlotte: Oh, no, that’s not in my heart.
On religion and therefore urban cities we identify as…
Charlotte: Mama, you know I’m Muslim?
Me: You are?
Charlotte: Yeah, I am. [She’s not.]
Me: Ohh, okay.
Charlotte: Yeah, Mama, I’m Toronto too!
On life-saving reminders…
Charlotte on the way to swimming: Daddy, when I am in the pool, you gotta make sure I don’t go to the other side.
Me: Oh honey, your teacher will watch you and make sure you don’t float away to the deep end.
Charlotte: No! I’m telling my daddy! It’s his ‘sponsibility!
On everyone’s right to a privacy…
Charlotte: Mama, can I go pee in this washroom?
Me: Yep!
Charlotte: I’m gonna close the door. I.. I need.. a pravacy.
And lastly, don’t ever break her eye…
Charlotte crying during bath time because soap + eye: You almost broked my eye!!
Also Charlotte: If you break my eye, I will be so sad and I won’t be able to see ever again! You want that? I’m never taking a bath ever again!
What’s the funniest conversation you’ve ever had with a kid? Any sage parenting advice for a semi-newbie?
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BosssyBabe 
I love this. It reminds me of conversations with my son. He is over thirty and we are still having such conversations. Oh the power of communication.
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Haha I hope I remember these when Charlotte is 30 and recount it all to her how silly it was to listen to her ramble on for hours about the most random things 🙂
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Broked is a word that my daughter uses quite frequently. And loosed. She has lots of many words for things.
In our house, we actually refer to our daughter’s blind eye as her “broken eye.” It’s a genetic condition that she was born with. She’s convinced that everyone has one big eye and one small eye. Her bigger eye is her good eye.
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Aww that’s sweet that she’s able to have that perspective and it doesn’t seem like a negative one… I love hearing their chit chat.. it’s so wonderful how their brains work at this age… Everything is so… logical!
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“Oh, no, that’s not in my heart.” Well, if nothing else, she’s honest. Can’t fault a girl for that. Thanks for the smiles. Good luck with Charlotte.
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That’s what I love about kids… they are just so darn honest lol…
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Lol! Yes, these are gems! Just wait until the teenage years! They love saying stuff just for the shock they see! 😅
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oh gosh… I wish I could say “I can’t wait” but really, I can totally wait as Charlotte has enough attitude seeping out of her now for the rest of her adolescent life lol…
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Lol! Good thing life is lived one day at a time! We get the opportunity to adjust! 😅
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LOL. Kids say the funniest things. I remember the first time we flew with our kids. We were waiting for our group to be called to board the plane. My younger daughter was getting agitated watching other people get on the plane. She said “we’d better hurry up or there will be no seats left”. I had to explain we had assigned seats.
Another time she told me “I like money. I collect money.” Funnily, she has always been a saver, not a spender. She really does collect money! LOL
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My daughter has a piggy bank and refuses to use any of her “collected” money.. even if I tell her the only way for her to get what she wants at a store is to use it… she is still steadfast about it! 🙂
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Oh my gosh. She sounds so much like Colleen! LOL
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Doling out advice (especially when not asked for) can rub some the wrong way. I’m guilty as charged. I try to keep my mouth shut unless asked because I don’t particularly care for unsolicited advice. It is funny that the only qualification seems to be being a parent ourselves. I’ve had the same thought at every youth, high school, or college sporting event I’ve ever attended, where people are telling anyone around them what the coaches should be doing. It’s a little like walking up to the cockpit and telling the pilot how to fly the plane because being a passenger obviously makes us experts now.
Those are great Charlotte stories. Vocabulary development is one of the most entertaining parts of watching children grow.
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My husband and I LOVE listening to her tell stories that go on forever and ever… they always take wild turns and make very little sense but it’s sweet how you can just tell what’s going on in their little minds from what they recount… so sweet! Wish I could bottle that and remember it always!!
You’re right, I’m not someone who loves getting unsolicited advice but once in a while I can appreciate a nugget here and there 🙂
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As we were flying and driving home on our son’s 30th birthday yesterday, my wife and I broke out many of the past classics we recalled. By the way, we can still recite the words to many of the children’s books we used to read to him. “Left foot, left foot, left foot right. Feet in the morning and feet at night.” I’m not even a Dr. Seuss fan, yet I remember every word.” Somehow, as a fellow parent, I bet you understand. 😉
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haha when Charlotte turned two, I decided to hide her good night owl book.. lol it was becoming a strain on my mental health to read that same book night after night for over 700 days LOL I hope I don’t remember that book when she’s 30 LOL
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This was so funny. I loved it, and wish I’d used some of your advice when my kids were little, like telling them the opposite of what I wanted them to do.
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hehe sometimes I try to see how far I can take it and see what will come of it lol…
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Love it!
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Those were funny. I’m reminded of the expression “out of the mouths of babes” … I can’t contribute as I’ve never had kids, nor have I had siblings, or babysat, so no zingers to share. 🙂
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Well then I am so glad you enjoyed 🙂
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❤️❤️❤️ Yours are much sweeter than mine, although I’ve loved teaching my littles that I can kiss an ‘owie’ and that makes it all better – it’s so funny to watch them bump their finger and immediately kiss it and go back to playing.
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Aww that’s just about the sweetest thing I’ve heard recently!! 😛 💕💕
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” Somehow you’ve cracked the parenting code and you just want to share your wealth of knowledge.”
Heh Heh. Uuum, yeah, I’m not one of those freaks. {Backs away slowly, holding the parenting book she wrote behind her back.}
The X chart sounds like a great idea. Right now my Joe is all about doing good stuff to earn loops for his Christmas paper chain of good deeds. It means nothing to me, but to him it must be some special key to unlocking the best gifts from Santa.
I’ll take it.
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hehe you really have cracked that code! Also, earning loops sounds like a fun way to teach them about good deeds.. I will be stealing this THANK YOU VERY MUCH 🙂 Love that!
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You’re quite welcome. Also, are you the one to whom I told the trick about making popsicles from Emergen-C packets? That’s still one of my proudest moments in life.
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YES I think so! I still gotta try that!! Thank you!! 🙂
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🙂 Here to serve. 😛
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Outer wear and clothes generally are a complete battlefield and it’s even worse with grandchildren as you feel a little restrained from getting furious, I mean slightly irritated with them. Why is it almost impossible to get a four year old dressed, from the refusing to wear socks to the coat stage!
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LOL they do things on their own freakin’ time, don’t they? 🤣
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