Something happens when you become a parent, you feel the need to dole out advice where you can. I don’t think it’s in a way to one-up anyone, I think it’s more so to help others out. Somehow you’ve cracked the parenting code and you just want to share your wealth of knowledge. At least that’s the idea for most of us I think. I haven’t been at this parenting thing too long now, almost five years this coming April. Compared to one’s average lifespan, that’s just a blip in time. Therefore, I wouldn’t take much of what I’m spewing in this post too seriously.
But here’s what I’ve learned so far (at least in my case and household):
- Use threats and use them as often as you need to. Just make sure to follow through.
- Read them “the law” when necessary. “Hey buddy, I don’t make up the laws here!”
- Create a behaviour chart where “X” means no special reward/treat.
- Tell them the opposite of what you want them to do. You’ll never see someone do something more passionately (except maybe your spouse, works on them too).
On where the law stands with outerwear and kindergarten…
Reasonable parent (me): Wear your neck warmer, it’s cold out.
Unreasonable 4yo (Charlotte): No, I don’t want to.
Me: Yes, you have to it’s very cold outside.
Her: No, if I wear my neck warmer then I’m not going to kindergarten.
Me: That’s not your choice to make.
Her: If I wear it, I’m not going!
Me: Honey, it’s against the law to not go to school, you’re going!
Her: No I’m not!
Me: Okay then, you’ll get an X for today.
Her: Okay, I’ll wear it!
Charlotte: You know what’s in my heart, mama?
Me: Oh, you know what’s in my heart? My LOVE for you!!
Charlotte: Oh, no, that’s not in my heart.
On religion and therefore urban cities we identify as…
Charlotte: Mama, you know I’m Muslim?
Me: You are?
Charlotte: Yeah, I am. [She’s not.]
Me: Ohh, okay.
Charlotte: Yeah, Mama, I’m Toronto too!
On life-saving reminders…
Charlotte on the way to swimming: Daddy, when I am in the pool, you gotta make sure I don’t go to the other side.
Me: Oh honey, your teacher will watch you and make sure you don’t float away to the deep end.
Charlotte: No! I’m telling my daddy! It’s his ‘sponsibility!
On everyone’s right to a privacy…
Charlotte: Mama, can I go pee in this washroom?
Charlotte: I’m gonna close the door. I.. I need.. a pravacy.
And lastly, don’t ever break her eye…
Charlotte crying during bath time because soap + eye: You almost broked my eye!!
Also Charlotte: If you break my eye, I will be so sad and I won’t be able to see ever again! You want that? I’m never taking a bath ever again!
What’s the funniest conversation you’ve ever had with a kid? Any sage parenting advice for a semi-newbie?
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