I made it! It’s been exactly two years since I started blogging weekly. Not that this was any sort of contest but I just wanted to say that I win. I win so freakin’ much! (To be clear, I win against the old non-posting-blogger me, not anyone else. Also, am not calling anyone a loser so please don’t cyberstalk me to send electronic dead roses.) But you know what they say, “The end is nigh.” Okay, nobody really says that anymore because it’s not 1692. (I don’t really know what happened in 1692 but it was a really long time ago and I assume people back then said stuff like that all the time.) Anyway, the end is
nigh near. Actually, it’s right now (or in however many minutes it takes you to read to the end of this post).
You may remember that I had a two-part series on my blog called, “My Year of Writing (Part 1 and 2).“ What you didn’t know was that there was a part 3. I know, mind-bending stuff, right?! The drafted part 3 was entitled, “My Year of Writing: Where Do I Go From Here.” The first sentence of that post would have been, “I don’t know.” And it’s still true, I don’t know where I go from here.
Here’s what I know, though: I wrote religiously for two years. I wrote 107 posts to be exact (including this one, obvi) which is (based on my average, weekly word count) approximately 80,000 words total. And not that I googled this or anything, but that’s like the average word count for a bestselling novel. Just saying…
Here’s something else I do know: I desperately need a break. I don’t necessarily need a break from writing, I just need a break from the weekly grind and the neverending responsibilities on my overexpanding plate (beyond what’s calling to me from the Blogosphere). I run a very tight ship at home, and although that’s exactly how I prefer it, it leaves very little room for life’s variables that somehow show up at the least convenient times like viral illnesses and family crises and mental exhaustion and eternal guilt and friendships combusting and marriages on the rocks. I look back on the two years of writing and I am so darn happy with myself for making it through each week’s deadline because it really shows me I can honestly do anything I set my mind to (or it tells me I have a major compulsive issue that physically does not allow me to break a steadfast habit without feeling some sort of internal firestorm- don’t worry I hope to seek help for that soon).
When I think about the things my family and I went through within the last two years and the fact that I was still able to post something despite the turbulence at home, I am very proud. I’m proud of myself for my stamina, my progress, and my perseverance. It feels like I just completed the most difficult marathon of my life, one I never even saw myself registering for in the first place. But I also know that I sacrificed a bit of myself in that time in order to do that. It started out as little sacrifices, mostly things that I knew would either help ground me in a trying time or things that would allow me to better cope with what I was going through. But, instead, I chose to meet this deadline because I didn’t want to “fail” or “give up.” I felt like I had finally broken down this dam of a wall and I just wanted the momentum to continue. Over time, those little sacrifices turned into baggage, and yet another thing added to my list of responsibilities.
So, here I am. I am tired (exhausted to be exact). I need a break to recheck my mental health and figure out where I want to go from here. This isn’t the end, it’s actually more of a break but I technically don’t know when the break will end; the break could end in two weeks or it could end in a year. I simply have no idea. All I know is that when I do come back, in whatever frequency or format (or how active I will be in the Blogosphere otherwise), I know I will do it as long as it feels good.
For now, I just wanted to extend the biggest thank you to all of you. Thank you for everything: the mems (aka ‘memories’ to older folks like me), the comments, the encouragement, the feedback, and, most importantly, the support. I have so appreciated every kind word.
Until next time…
Wishing you a safe and joyous holiday season, and all the best in 2023! Happy New Year!