A Happy Place

I’ve always been a realist. Ever since I could remember, I’ve always towed the line between negative and positive. Doomsday versus winning the lottery. Neither of those are ever possibilities in my mind. I just accept that the world is eternal and full of losers (as in people who don’t win lotteries).

The definition of being a realist, to me, is expecting the worst but hoping for the best. This was my general mindset when we first found out we were pregnant with Charlotte. But somewhere along the way, I got nervous. The negativity started to chip away the layered bricks of my guarded wall. I became so afraid of losing the one thing I’d always dreamed of having my whole life; the fear of being so close and then possibly losing it took a mental toll on me.

My anxiety was so heightened during my pregnancy that a wonderful co-worker (who I now consider a friend) would meet me at the chapel (in the hospital we work at) to sit with me and meditate. The first time we discovered the chapel was by happenstance. We were simply tagging along with another co-worker to see the prayer room where she escaped to five times a day. Coincidentally, the chapel was right down the same hallway. It was a small but peaceful space. We decided then that we’d come as often as we could, even if it was just a quick break from a long day. It was there that my friend would take a few minutes to gather her thoughts and quietly pray. She invited me to close my eyes and think of positive thoughts too, anything that could relieve me of my anxieties. Week after week, this became our ritual.

You often hear the phrase “go to your happy place” in the realm of meditation. Most people have a happy place, I think.  It can be a physical space, perhaps it’s your home, on a beach with toes dipped in sand or a favourite hiking trail. Alternatively, your happy place could be an emotional state, like being near someone you love and how complete that makes you feel. Sometimes these places come into existence organically and stay constant throughout our lives and other times they are more fluid, ever-changing depending on the milestones in our journeys. I never really had a specific happy place until the very first time I decided to try meditating in that chapel all those years ago.

The very first image that came to my mind, sitting on that pew in the chapel, was the view of the clear blue endless sky, surrounded by bristling trees. It felt so real that I could feel the piercing rays of the sun burn so brightly against the thin veil of my eyelids, the warm glow kissing my skin. It’s a mental picture that brings me back to my childhood, spending time running in the field of my elementary school and falling to the ground to take a breather to enjoy the view. When I am here, in this happy place, a sense of peace always washes over me, and my mind settles into a calm state. For me, it represents a place of innocence and safety; a place full of wonder, new beginnings, and infinite possibilities.

Do you have a happy place? 

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