I found out this past summer that my husband and I are expecting and it’s been a crazy rollercoaster ride ever since (also because it feels like I’ve been pregnant since 1992). I haven’t written anything in a while for a few reasons: I have very low energy and drive; a bad case of writers block and mostly, the things I wanted to write about were off limits because not everyone knew I was expecting. But today, I’m throwing caution to the wind mainly because all of my people are sick of hearing my dramatic complaints and I need another avenue to channel my peace and writing has always sorted me out.
Being pregnant, like any other life altering event, is an interesting period of highs and lows. You feel joy you’ve never felt before but you’re also overwhelmed with anticipation and doubt (and for the unlucky majority, horrific morning sickness). You have people coming out of no where giving you advice about any and everything from why midwives suck and their horror stories, to what to buy asap/now-ish/soon-ish and later, and of course how not to kill your spouse during your ever-fluctuating mood swings.
The idea of pregnancy itself is a spectacular life miracle and I can’t think of anything that comes close. The thought of my husband and I creating life together, when once we were strangers and watching that life grow inside my body until the day it’s ready to make its debut into the world (instinctively head first) is almost unfathomable, yet it happens everyday. We are all born of miracles.
Since I couldn’t write about my secret early on I kept a daily journal on my phone for a while.
Oh shit, am I late??
Hmm, still not here yet..
Well, this is different. I’m pregnant… At least according to the first and second home pregnancy tests. I wanted my husband to feel part of the process too but he refused to hold the pee cup- something about potential pee spillage!? My husband and I are overjoyed. And now he wants to protect me in bubble wrap.
12:30pm: *eats proper full lunch*
12:35pm: I could eat an elephant- I’m starving. Other than the hunger, this is easy.
4:50pm: Lord, get me off this sweaty subway car, I need to vomit! *runs home, through doors, rips off clothes and jumps into bed*
Went to doctor to confirm that I am indeed medically “with child” and peed in a cup to prove it. She asked if I knew my birthing plan. *pfft* Lady, I barely knew two days ago I had birth to give, so I’m going to go with ahh no, not yet.
Just told my bosses. “Hey, so you know how I just passed my six month probation? Yea, well I’m kind of pregnant.” Eeek!
To Co-worker: “Can I eat your lunch?”
Literally gagged on the prenatal vitamin! Does it have to be so big!? What’s with these horse pills!?!
Last night I almost shat myself. I felt my rectum slowly opening and prepping for ejection and I felt the need to push but thank God I realized in my sleep how weird it was that I was horizontal with my eyes closed and not actually sitting on a toilet. I know people say your dignity goes out the window when you’re pregnant/in labour but that would have been something I’d never be able to come back from. Ever. Even to myself. Try not to shit the bed ladies.
I am officially starting week six! My baby is the size of a pea!☺
9:45am: Hell hath no fury like a woman pregnant and hungry. Currently with my husband outside of a noodle house waiting for it to open at 10:30am on a Sunday. #majorcravings
Me: I think I’m coming down with something awful.
Cam: Yes, it’s called pregnancy.
So this is what a tub of margarine feels like.
Today: You can tell where the puking took over my life because I just stopped writing after the first two weeks. Like what would be the point?
Monday: puked 4x.
Tuesday: puked 6x.
Wednesday: puked 5x.
Thursday: puked 9x and banged head against wall.
Friday: puked 10x.
Saturday: puked 10x and checked calendar, how many more months!?!?
Sunday: puked 13x.
But no matter the pain and the endless (it seems) negatives, what’s growing inside me is worth the sleepless nights and the accidental public outbursts of gas. Because this is life- in all it’s glory.
And it is glorious. We are blessed.